The opening clause of a message that never got finished, because everything after it had to justify the clause.
Here is the trap. The longer you leave it, the more the first message seems to owe an explanation, so you postpone it until you have the time to write something that covers four months properly. That time does not arrive, the gap grows, and the message you now owe is even bigger than the one you were avoiding.
The gap compounds. The message does not have to.
You have been keeping score. They almost certainly have not.
Silence between two adults with jobs is the default state of most friendships, not a signal. The person on the other end has been dealing with their own week. When your name appears on their phone after four months, the overwhelming first reaction is that it is nice to hear from you. The apology you spent two days drafting answers a charge nobody filed.
That is worth saying plainly, because the belief that you have done something wrong is the actual barrier, and no template fixes it.
A few weeks. Do not mention it. There is nothing to mention.
ok this is going to sound unhinged but I need your opinion on a kettle
A couple of months. One clause, then move.
hi! long time. what's happening with the flat
been ages. tell me one thing
Six months to a year. Acknowledge it once, honestly, and refuse to dress it up.
I have thought about texting you roughly weekly since March and then not done it, which I'm aware is its own kind of rude. how are you?
no excuse for the silence and I'm not going to invent one. genuinely, how have things been
Years. Say why now. A message after three years arrives with a question attached, and answering it up front is a kindness.
your name came up because I walked past the pub. no agenda, just wanted to say hello after what I think is three years
I saw you got married. congratulations, I mean that. also hello after a very long time
The catch-up essay. Four paragraphs summarising your job, your move and your health hands the other person a homework assignment. They now owe four paragraphs back. Most people put that off, and the thread dies from the weight of your good intentions.
Send one thing. Let them ask.
The vague reopener. "We should catch up properly!" is not a message, it is a plan to send a message. It puts the work of proposing something on them, and if neither of you proposes, the exchange ends having achieved a small mutual guilt and nothing else.
If you want to see them, name a thing and a rough when. If you do not, do not pretend you are arranging something.
Wait. Then, if it matters to you, send one more, and make it lighter than the first.
no pressure on the above, just wanted the message to exist
The second message is where most people stop, because a second unanswered text feels like an answer. Usually it is not. It is a phone left in a coat pocket.
If it stays quiet after that, let it. Some friendships are seasonal, and the difference between one you let rest and one you ruined is largely a story you tell yourself.
Some of what you were going to say is not a friendship matter at all. It is a thought that needs somewhere to go, and the nearest available person is a poor fit for it because they would have to respond.
That has its own piece: I just want to say one thing without starting a whole conversation.
Nobody has ever ended a friendship over a message that arrived late. Plenty have ended over one that never arrived, and mostly by accident, one postponed week at a time.